Trump Fires Mirror After It Shows Him Looking Tired

PALM BEACH, FL — In an unprecedented executive action taken entirely inside a Mar-a-Lago bathroom, President Donald Trump has officially fired a mirror after claiming it showed him “looking very low energy.”

Witnesses say the former president emerged from the restroom looking “deeply unsettled,” muttering phrases like “traitorous reflection,” and “this isn’t what the real me looks like.”

“It’s disgusting,” Trump later told guests at brunch. “This mirror is fake. Probably made in China, like the virus. I looked in it this morning and it made me look tired. Weak. The kind of look Ron DeSanctus has when he tries to smile.”

Sources say the mirror, a 5-foot gilded antique mounted in Mar-a-Lago’s “Executive Reflection Zone” (formerly known as the men’s room), has been removed and placed in solitary confinement near the janitor’s closet, pending investigation.

Trump has reportedly replaced it with a framed oil painting of himself from 1987, which he says “has never once made me look fat.”

“That’s how a mirror should work,” he explained. “You look into it, and it respects you. Reflects greatness. Not this woke garbage.”

White House-aligned media figures quickly came to Trump’s defense.

• Eric Trump posted, “We should only use Trump-approved glass in this country. Anything else is treasonous transparency.”

• Truth Social influencers began promoting #MirrorGate, alleging that the bathroom fixture may have been installed by George Soros-funded contractors during the Obama administration.

Meanwhile, former aide Stephen Miller issued a press release blaming the mirror’s betrayal on “DEI policies in manufacturing,” stating:

“We warned Americans about reflective equity. Now look where we are—our own leaders being undermined by traitorous silver-backed panels.”

Aides say Trump has ordered a full audit of all mirrors at his properties, including bathroom vanities, ballroom installations, and even reflective elevator doors.

Future plans include:

• Replacing all mirrors with photos of Trump at peak angles

• Launching a line of “loyal” mirrors that exclusively display “Alpha Trump Energy”

• Drafting an executive order banning “mirrors made after 2015”

When asked by reporters how one fires an inanimate object, Trump replied:

“I know how to get rid of losers. I hosted The Apprentice. This mirror? It’s FIRED.”